Last week I was Resurrected, which technically means being raised up from the dead… If we want to get literal here.
But honestly, I almost feel as if that is truly what happened to the 5 other men and myself who embarked on this extremely intense journey.
Most people see what we’re all about and assume when I say it was intense that I mean we trained like crazy, which we definitely did.
But what I actually mean is that this was the most intense experience I’ve ever had emotionally, mentally, as well as physically.
And since everyone has been asking me what it was like, what’d we do, and how do I feel now… I decided to write this blog about the experience because honestly it’s been hard for me to explain because, well, it’s unexplainable really.
But I will do my best today and hope you can take away something from it.
Day 1 – Resurrection Week
I’m going to start off with my one line answer I’ve given to those who ask in person,
“It’s as if I’ve been squinting my eyes for years, but now they’ve been fully opened to the world.”
May sound odd or cheesy to you, but that’s 100% how I really feel and this feeling, of opening my eyes to see what life REALLY is, is so fucking amazing.
This journey I took part in, The Pack Resurrection Week, was essentially a retreat for men, fitness entrepreneurs, who needed help finding themselves and figuring out how to be happy, successful, and literally “Have it all”.
Everyone on this planet has issues, doubts, fears, insecurities, or something inside their head that stops them from achieving the greatness they desire and have the potential to reach.
But very few will admit that they’re not perfect, that they struggle emotionally, and need HELP to get where they want.
On May 19th, there were 6 of us who stepped up and asked for help.
I remember on the plane ride there feeling a slow creeping anxiety in my body, in which I wouldn’t admit to anyone leading up to this event because I feared the judgment of others, but it got worse and worse as I left.
In my head saying,
“What is even about to happen?!
What demons are going to come out to the surface?
How can I really change this much in just 4 days?
What if the other guys don’t get me, or what I’m going through?
You sure you can do this Cody?!”
But I just kept doing what I always have done with my fears and doubts towards myself, gutted them deep down so I could pretend they weren’t there… but in reality what I needed was to bring these fears out to life, admit them to other men just like me, and then expose the TRUTH so I could unravel my true potential.
So the day goes by, anxious and stressed as I was I just kept my cool like always and pretended that I was “All Good!”
Fast forward to 5AM May 19th Tuesday morning, my alarm clock goes off and Adrian is up ready to go as I awake… As you can tell, he couldn’t sleep which was my first signal saying, “Cody, you’re not the only one.”
But I ignored that, obviously.
We meet the rest of the guys, Luka, and Krebs at the gates of The Pack HQ.
No words were exchanged besides Krebs saying, “Follow me to the beach.”
So we all silently walk to the beach, then sit down in a row facing the ocean…
Instructions were simple, yet the most difficult.
“Don’t look anywhere but straight into that ocean. I want you to sit there and think, real hard, about why you’re here.”
This is where the soul searching began, but it was far from when I realized what I was there to do.
After 10 minutes of thinking, which actually seemed like an hour, he brought us in front of all the men, one by one, to explain why we were really here.
I was scared, nervous, and doubted that they’d really understand why I was there… They’d probably think I’m some punk kid who doesn’t know the half of what pain or a rough life is like.
Shit, that’s what I was thought about people. Always thinking people are judging me because my age, because of the wrong choices I’ve made, or assuming one thing or another about whom I am.
I think we all can relate to that fear of judgment, just a tip for you – It’s a bullshit thought that we create in our own heads. Far from what’s true and for those who do judge, we must realize that they do not elevate our lives to more positivity therefore we don’t need there opinions in our lives anyway.
Ok, quick rant but I’m back to the story.
After this emotional speech we each gave, I felt a sense of relief. I already got some shit off my back that I’ve been carrying for some time now and on top of that; I didn’t feel judged at all. In fact I felt, as they were there to help and support me.
To help me rise and rise along with me.
Next came the first challenge, the plank challenge.
We all got in a plank and held as long as we could.
Funny thing was, we were all fitness coaches and not one of us has done a plank in longer then we could remember.
I held mine for 3.5 minutes… Longest plank I’ve ever done, which should’ve made me feel great! But did it? Hell no. I immediately told myself I sucked, I should’ve held it longer and I shouldn’t have given up.
Like most of us, we go through the “Should Have” and “Shouldn’t Have” thoughts.
These thoughts do not help us move forward at all, they create negative energy and stop us from pushing to the next level.
Think about it; in fact write it out because creating list ALWAYS makes things engrained into your head even more.
What do you tell yourself you “Should” do more of or “Shouldn’t” do anymore, yet you don’t change a damn thing?!
A lot, I know I did constantly and all’s it did was put a fear in my head of what was to come, a doubt about my capabilities and potential, and made me believe the thought of “I AM NOT ENOUGH”.
I AM ENOUGH and you are too!
After this plank challenge Krebs asked us what was going on in our heads and we shared, we all told him the same thing I just told you all and he came back at us with a lesson, the lesson of “Should Have” and Shouldn’t Have”.
We took a second to think about this and then it was on to the next challenge, The 666 Challenge….
Shit… What in the Hell is about to happen?!
666 Reps between you and your partner. The circuit started with a wheelbarrow carry then went into 666 reps of push ups, burpees, jumping lunges, sprinter sit ups, and sit outs.
This smashed us all, like bad.
But we pushed it hard and helped each other get to the finish.
After that, we discussed the mindset of being able to push through difficulties in life and what our perceived mindset thinks we can accomplish – Which is NEVER as much as we REALLY can get done.
Just as we thought, “Wow, that was an intense workout… thank god its over.”
Luka then said, “Ok, on to the next challenge. 20 Minute EDT by yourself accomplishing as many rounds as possible. Each round, you’ll add 2 reps to each exercises and sprint down the beach and back at the end of every other round.”
So as we were pondering the thoughts of not thinking we can do any more, but then pushing through… We had to put that right back into action.
But as hard as it was, nobody gave in or stopped early. We ALL pushed ourselves as hard as possible to get to the finish. Man it sucked, but it was the most rewarding suck I’ve ever felt because I proved to myself that I can push WAY harder then I realize if I have a PURPOSE behind my drive.
I caps locked “Purpose” because everything we do needs to have one. If you can put that purpose into you mind while you’re going through the work, then you will ALWAYS push so much harder and reap the benefits and results when you finish.
So once again, the lesson was taught that we could always do better then our minds allow us to think. Our minds can be our friend, but they can also be our enemy more often then we realize because it is our mind that can create fear and doubt.
We then get to eat some food, drink some water, and head back to the headquarters.
I’m relieved because I pushed it hard, I feel broken down, and am looking forward to the discussions I’m assuming we’re going to have about success, life, development, relationships, etc.
But what I did wrong was assume… They told us to wait outside and they’d call us in soon, one by one.
First name out was mine. I went in and I see my gloves, helmet, and threw in my mouth guard to get it sized to my mouth.
When I came out with my gear to let the next guy know to go in, we all got real quiet. Nobody talked and everyone looked fearfully focused on what we had coming.
We then took the most silent walk I’ve ever experienced over to our buddy Dave’s gym, Pacific Coast Kettlebells.
We spent about an hour on warming up the right motions and muscles, practicing our punches, and learning how to block.
Then we went on to practicing our blocks on each other, alternating partners so we got the full experience.
Then as we rotated partner to partner, we upped our punching power from 30%, to 50%, to 70%, and finally 100% but at this time we were only doing body shots.
Then we did the entire process again, slowly ramping up our power, but including face shots.
By this time we were all smoked, sweating our asses off, can barely breathe, and still haven’t even fought yet!
Krebs could tell we needed a minute to breathe, so we took a water break and gave us a pep talk about what we were about to get into. This is when the fears started to really hit me…
All’s I could think of was if I was going to get knocked out, if I could lay a good punch, and the worse part was the flash backs I was getting of very painful situation in my life.
About 2-3 years ago I got jumped, really bad, and sent to the hospital. And although I had no way of stopping this, I have always thought, “What if I knew how to fight or defend myself… Maybe I could’ve stopped it”
You see I’ve never been a fighter, never really boxed in my life, and out of the group I was the smallest and youngest person there. I was doubting my capabilities and I was focused on how bad I would lose, rather than focusing on my personal attributes and skills that may allow me to stand up and put up a good fight.
Already I was learning an extremely powerful lesson about self-doubt, which we cannot let happen if we want to come out on top or achieve anything in life.
But I didn’t catch that lesson quite yet.
First fight goes on, I was scrappin’. I wasn’t blocking, I wasn’t moving efficiently, and most of all I was not present in the moment. Although it’s extremely hard to be present in the moment while you’re getting punched in the face, you absolutely must be because you will not be able to think and react properly otherwise.
But then I stepped up, after a few fights, to big Will Clewis… He was the one that I feared the most because he was big as hell, an ex-college linebacker who I believe was supposed to get drafted, and his hands were HEAVY and FAST.
So I stepped out, because I needed to face my fear, and Krebs said, “GO!”.
Will came in and decked my square in the face, with ease… Yeah, it hurt. But it was a blessing. That hit woke me the fuck up. It turned on a switch that told me to focus and control myself or else I’m toast.
And from that moment on, I wasn’t scared anymore. I stepped to each man with confidence and more ability to move, block, and throw punches right back.
Simply because I was PRESENT.
Now we all went against each other, so the worst was over… Or so I thought.
Krebs then told us it was time for the finale, “Bull in the Ring”.
This is where one at a time we step out and then face each man in a row, back to back without taking a break.
The anxiety, doubt, and fear started to creep back into my head, but I couldn’t allow it to take over. I NEEDED to prove to MYSELF that I could do this and show these men I could put up a fight!
And I did. Shit, we all put up a fight! From Adrian’s bloody nose and torn tricep, to Will’s knuckle busting, to the bruises all over my face… We ALL put up a great fight and follow it all with a solid dap and hug from one brother to another.
I was the last one to go and be the Bull in The Ring. One thing I will say, as fit as I am, this killed me! I have so much respect for professional boxers who get in the ring for minutes at a time because we were in the ring for 10-20 sec per person and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve done.
When it was done I was hyperventilating, panicking to get my mask off to breathe, and covered in sweat.
But I did it. I accomplished what I doubted so much and for that, I broke down.
I started getting tears to my eyes because at that very moment I realized how much I doubt myself, how much I fear, and that I am an insecure person who fakes being “All Good” 24-7.
I am calling my own bullshit out right now.
But now, after this last week, I am good. I have woke the fuck up, opened my eyes to my own capabilities, accepted who I am and all my flaws I once despised, and most importantly I am so much more present in every situation I face.
The first day of Resurrection week broke me down mentally, physically, and emotionally. I learned what amazing things I could do and why I wasn’t doing it yet.
I learned that I can push myself harder than I do and the reason I wasn’t pushing myself to my full potential, was because I feared failure and judgment and I doubted my own capabilities.
I learned that every single successful and happy person has failed, but they learn from WITHOUT getting negative or down on themselves it so that they can get better afterwards.
I learned that I doubted my own capabilities even when everyone else believed in me so much. This doubt was simply a story I created in my own head because I feared risk, I feared the unknown, and I feared judgment of others.
If you can take anything away from this, take the following points:
-YOU ARE ENOUGH.
-YOU ARE CAPABLE.
-YOU CAN PUSH THROUGH.
-FACING YOUR FEARS AND TAKING RISKS, LEADS TO MASSIVE GROWTH.
-LOVE YOURSELF, FOR WHO YOU ARE.
-BE REAL, IN A RAW AND UNFILTERED WAY.
That’s it for Day 1… Stay tuned, Resurrection Week Day 2 is coming soon.